My Reason To Live (L)

BloodBerry

Run for cover . They won't touch you anymore .
They say they love you . I don't believe it .
I won't believe it . The sunshine blocks the rainbow, and the eclipse shivers the earth . The moon howls at the wolf, and the hoop goes through the dolphin .
Who are we to say this couldn't happen ? Who are we to say this isn't true ?
All I wanted was to be happy . The pills made me happy ... For a while .
My lover knows just how to please me, with love and lust, I'm under his spell .
I tend to forget that he's a fantasy . I'll wake up any minute now, I'll wake up and you won't be there, lying naked, warm, so warm, next to me, holding me . I don't want the pills . I don't like the pills . Don't make me take the pills . The pills like me .

Chapter I

...Do you know me ?
...Who I really am ?
I am heartbreak and depression,
I am pitiful and pathetic,
abrasive, deceptive,
unsure and inventive .
I am unending sadness,
a gateway, a teacher,
a slave to the labyrinth .
I am an emotional nightmare,
a molecule of torn edges,
an atom vibrating on my own frequency,
completely in tune with nothing .
Builder of my own mythology,
death surrogate in love with matyrdom,
praying for it everyday,
before they realise my shame,
my failings,
my self loathing and mind of lies .
Insane . In pain .
Do you know me ?
Muse destroyer .
Jaded beast of cosmic, cosmic design .
Friend of the dead, cannibal soul eater .
Out of place . Out of time .
Amateur priestess . Apprentice .
Other world . Woman chief protector of the faith,
Holy Soldier, in the third regiment,
in the secret army of the nightmare .
Gods .
I am a traitor, a coward,
a weakling, a satyr,
broken stem, wilting flower,
armor plated,
atomic powered .
I am a liar, I am truth,
and I am free .
I eagerly devour, the terror of decay,
and sever the souls of my enemies, but am I a poet ?
Endangered saviour ? Eternal child ?
War throat ? Well ...
Do you know me yet ?
Do you ?
I don't .

Underground Suicide

How do you feel when you can't feel nothing ?
We fought too hard to let this all fall down .
Come closer, This is war, (No Respect)
I want to see you go down . (No Regrets)

I guess this love is a battlefield .
More like an underground suicide .

My sanctuary, is sacred no more .
I've got no place to hide ,
Stab my back and break my heart
Sit back and watch me fall apart

You can't speak and you can't cry
Tears mean there's weakness inside
You try to run, and hide (No Respect)
I want to see you go down (No Regrets)

I guess this love is a battlefield .
More like an underground suicide .

'Could you help me push aside all that I have left behind
You are walking through streets that mean nothing to you
You believe you're above it and I really don't blame you

Now I taught the weeping willow how to cry

They say our love is only a dream, That I'll wake up and you'll be gone (L)

This is something I found on my PC, I wrote it when I was in Lisbon . Don't ask me what was going through my brain, because I have absolutely no idea .
Roughly ..-08-09

"I'm running through a field, wait, a forest . There are so many trees, I can hardly see anything apart from the flashes of light that come through every once in a while, I'm running with wolves . What the fuck ? I keep running, I know I can make it, I'm running and I'm tripping, I fall . I lift up my head, and scream on the top of my voice : " THE BANANAS ARE TAKING OVER" . Oh no ! Now the bananas are invading . I start running, and I'm gaining energy and speed, the bananas are running after us . The biggest wolf looks at me in mere disappointment and says: " Squeak, I think your fly's open" . I look down and pull up my zipper . I keep running . Now I'm flying . Not flying, floating . So I float towards the light, and I'm getting there, the bananas are getting smaller and I start to giggle . I find it hilarious that bananas can't fly and I look at the sun . The sun looks back, and grins . This is it . I'm going to die . And , I wake up . I wish I would've stayed asleep to actually find out what would happen next . The sun would probably turn into a sea monster and do the Hokey-Pokey with me ..."

Happy (:

Saturday night and I'm stuck at home with nothing to do . These last few days have changed my life in ways I can't describe . Let me keep you up to date . Thursday night I went out to a concert, which was pretty awesome as usual . So many of my friends were there, unfortunately I'm still trying to figure out which of them are truly my friends .. I almost didn't go to the concert, I was stuck at home searching for missing money ! Thank the Lord my true friends picked up and brought me there . As we arrived, we walked out of the car, and crawled right back in again while me and Juanna rolled up a couple of joints . Weed saves lives ! We smoked them while we listened to some of our favourite songs and bands, most importantly Kalashnikov which always makes us happy . After that, we went to the front of the music association, which basically is like a big warehouse that's got about nearly everything we need there, musicwise anyway .. I ran up to Jacqueline who was there with my "Oh So Mighty " friend . He's going out with a friend of mine, who was also there . Honestly, it doesn't really bother me, believe it or not . I'm happy, and he's happy, and that's all that really matters . So, I'm gonna leave out all the boring details, because I seem to forget this is NOT a diary ! I really enjoyed the concert, and after I went home with a friend of mine, whom I've been talking to for a little while . We had a lot of fun and one thing let to another, and you can kind of see where I'm going with this .
I loved sleeping next to him . And honestly, I'm scared .
The following day I went with him to school, we were so tired, trying to stay awake seemed like an impossible mission . Now I'm at home, sitting beside the fireplace with a laptop on my lap, writing this, and wanting more . Wanting more of him .
He actually makes me happy, and that's amazing !
In conclusion, I may have lost one of my few true friends . And for that I apologize . (L)
For now, this is all I have to say . Or better, this is all I'm going to say . As I repeat, this is NOT a diary, I'm leaving the details OUT !

Vieira Online

Well, I'm actually a kind person . Because if I wasn't, I would fuck everybody up in less than five minutes . Thank you for showing your true colours !

Pulp Fiction

Here I am, as usual, not knowing what to write .. I can say that I've changed, I've grown up in these last few months . I feel quite unstoppable, free and yes, I feel happy !
People have let me down, people have suprised me, people have made me sad and people have made me happy . Thank you for helping me grow up and learn from (y)our mistakes ..

Starting from tomorro, me and a friend of mine are making a bet .

No smoking, no drinking and no eating meat . It's going to be tough, but that's the way it is .

We'll decide the consequences tomorro at the recording studio .